Yep, Lily finally arrived :)

Ok I am a major slacker for not posting over the last 5 months!!!! Lily arrived October 24, 2007 at 1:51pm. She was 8 lbs 8 oz, and 20 inches long. She came out via an emergency c-section, as the plan to induce me didn't go well -- her fluid was low and the contractions made her heartbeat very erratic. The recovery was hard, and I had my bout with post-partum depression, but she is wonderful and perfect and great. I'm still breastfeeding her even being back in the office...

She's a huge baby now -- like 16 lbs or so, and is happy, cute and perfect, as you can see above! She sleeps through the night like a champ and she loves going new places and seeing new things....

P.S. For those of you that were on FF with me, I'm over at the Mommy Gossip site now. It's just like FF circles, but it's free!

Does she know it's her due date?

My guess is, no. :( I'm still pregnant. And while several weeks ago I felt ok, I feel SUPER uncomfortable now. I can't sleep, I'm sore constantly, and labor still has yet to start.

I know she's healthy and she's waiting for the right time, but I am getting very frustrated over here. I want to hold her in my arms already.

Waiting on Liliana to arrive...

So Lily made it to full term! I'm 38 1/2 weeks today, and I've been off work since September 25. The boredom has now started to set in, but I am trying to enjoy myself -- once she arrives, no more boredom for me!

I went to the OB yesterday and no dilation/effacement yet of my cervix, but she said it's getting softer. But labor can pretty much start at any time, so no need to worry. And worst case scenario, she'll induce me when I hit 41 weeks.

So all of those pre-term labor worries in August amounted to jack squat, basically. Oh well.

The Braxton-Hicks contractions have really picked up too, so hopefully that means she will be here soon.

Almost there...

I can't believe I am 35 weeks and 2 days already. Wow! It feels like just yesterday we were doing our IVF cycle and I was anxiously waiting for the beta results. We are going to be parents sometime in the next 2-5 weeks!!!

Everything is going okay -- I don't even really get the contractions like I was last month, so strange. I haven't taken any medication for it for several weeks. I have my first internal exam next week, so we'll see how far along with dilation/effacement I am then. I'm not expecting much, to be honest...my gut feeling is that Lily is only going to be a little early, maybe a week or so.

DH has been sick for several days, and somehow, I haven't even had a sign of a cold. So whew. The house is done and all ready -- we need to clean, but my nesting instinct seems to have turned itself off mainly due to uncomfortability (bending over is rough these days).

Anyways, I'm hanging in there!

Calmer seas...

Ok, so sorry about not posting something in the past month. I have been a bad blogger!

Basically, things have calmed down dramatically. A few days after I posted, I did have to go back to the hospital for contractions because the Brethine stopped working. They switched me to Ventolin and I went home. And it seems to work for my contractions. I came back to work on August 14, and I've been doing the normal routine ever since with some limits. I'm easing myself back into yoga and very light walking...

Once I hit 34 weeks next week, I can stop taking the medication every 4 hours and take it as needed. I sincerely doubt Lily is going to come early, she'll probably make her arrival in late September to October ;)

Our nursery is 95% done, just need to add the finishing touches. And we're taking some classes at Women's Hospital of Texas -- we had the first half of the childbirth class, and we're taking an infant care and a breastfeeding class in September. Right now, my biggest concern isn't fears about labor for some reason, it's if breastfeeding is going to work! :)

Stuck at home...

Well, my uneventful pregnancy finally turned dramatic Friday morning when I woke up in pain. It felt like menstrual cramps that would get worse every so often, so the doctor on call told me to go to Labor & Delivery. We got there at 7am, and I was checked in and strapped into monitors. I didn't feel so nervous, I thought it was just a fluke and they would send me on my way, which they did after my fetal fibronectin (preterm labor) swab came back negative. I went home and proceeded to lay on the couch and read the last Harry Potter book...

At 1:30pm, the contractions came back with a vengeance, and that freaked me out. The doctor said to head back to L&D so we did, but this time we were very nervous. I couldn't stop crying, worrying that Lily would show up too early. We got to L&D, and they hooked me up again and monitored the contractions for 30 mins -- I was having them every 3-8 minutes with varying intensity.

So they gave me injections of Brethine, which made me feel all tweaked out but stopped them. I stayed overnight and had an ultrasound...Lily looked happy and great, and is sitting breech right now near my cervix! They weighed her and she is 2 lbs 10 oz...

At 6:30am, they woke me to let me know I could go home, that I had only 2 contractions the entire night. So we went home and crashed, and I chilled for the rest of the day.

I decided to go get ice cream with my husband and take his mom to the airport (she was in town seeing my niece, Lucy, who arrived July 20 at 8 lbs 1 oz), but the car ride started a whole new wave of contractions. I laid on my side for more than an hour praying for them to go away...they eventually did.

Sunday I didn't go anywhere, and the contractions weren't bad. On Monday, I worked from home, and I started having them again around midday, but it was 3-4 an hour. We left for my OB's office at 3:30pm, and they really kicked into high gear...I had 6+ in an hour. The doctor gave me a home prescription for Brethine, which seems to be working most of the time...and wrote me a note saying I needed to work from home until my next fetal fibronectin test on August 10.

I have preterm labor b/c of the contractions, but my cervix is still closed tight. So here I am...I'm not on full bedrest, but I'm not going anywhere either. I think by next Friday I will have gone stir crazy, but it's all worth it in the end. :)

A footnote...

on the previous post from June. I only gained 3 lbs last month, and I had my glucose challenge test Monday, and no word from the doctor -- so I do not have gestational diabetes. Whew!

Lily's cousin is almost here!

I've written before about my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and all the crap they have been through in the past 2 years -- their baby dying in utero at 7 months in 2006, and Sean's aneurysm scare back in January of this year just before we did our first IVF cycle...

Finally, something happy for them to celebrate -- my sister-in-law was induced this morning, and any minute now (or perhaps already), their daughter Lucille (Lucy) will be born!!!! We're picking up her daughter (who's 14, from a previous marriage) after we get off work and going to see her.

My heart is literally swelling for them, especially after all the bullshit they have had to deal with in the past few years. This is a truly happy day for them, and I hope they have happy days in the coming weeks, months, and years as Lucy grows. Also, Lucy and Lily are going to be only three months apart, and I already know they will be very close.

I may bust out crying when I see her, I'm so excited!

Battle of the Bulge

Well, back from my monthly OB appointment, and I gained 8 lbs in a month. I am speechless. I weighed myself last week and it showed a 4-5 lb weight gain from the previous month. That puts me at 23 lbs total for this pregnancy so far. JEEZ.

I feel like I am doing something wrong -- but I'm eating healthy 90% of the time and I'm exercising to some degree nearly every day. I even took up swimming in the last week (which, I think, might be why the weight jumped 4 lbs in a week if I am packing on the muscle).

I'm also getting paranoid about gestational diabetes considering the weight gain. I feel really stressed and depressed over this now -- I was feeling as if I was doing everything in my power to stay in shape, and I can't control it.

The only thing I can think of is fruit, which I have been craving like mad lately.

I think we have a name...

Chris came up with this. I still love Layla, but this is super pretty and has a cute nickname too:

Liliana Elizabeth

....and we'll call her Lily for short. I'm wondering now about the spelling and how it goes with our English last name. There's Liliana and Lilliana, and they both are pretty...

Anyways, give me your suggestions. I have 21 weeks, give or take a few, to decide!

Team Pink

It's a girl! And she wasn't shy about showing it off either -- she was doing backflips and mooning the camera!!! We're so thrilled to have a daughter...

Now comes the name decision. If you've read my previous posts, my favorite name is Layla. Chris wants to mull the options, so we're going to each come up with a list and decide.

3 days and counting....

until the anatomy scan ultrasound! I am so excited to find out 1) that our baby is normal and healthy and 2) if we are expecting a boy or a girl!

I've had the slight intuition that it's a boy, but I am beginning to question my own intuition, wondering if it's all the "predictions" people have given me for the most random things -- all the old wives' tale BS basically. So I am open to whatever we find out!

Right now, I am also counting down the time until my SIL's baby shower is over -- it's going to be gigantic (like 60-75 people). So if I can make it through this weekend, YES! :)

An apology...

I just wanted to extend an apology for those of you who have been reading my blog to see how the pregnancy is going. I've been a major slacker!

Work has been kicking my butt, basically. So here's the rundown -- I'm in the 2nd trimester now, my belly finally popped out last week so I am actually starting to show a little at 17 weeks! Feeling pretty good these days -- I was getting massive headaches for a week or so, but I am over that aspect for now.

I'm working out more -- walking/light weights at the gym twice a week, yoga twice a week, and walking my dogs outside while the weather is still nice. It turns out I gained 7 lbs in a month btwn my 10 and 14 week appts (yikes -- 12 total for the pregnancy), so I've cut down on the splurging and I'm back to exercising -- ice cream EVERY day probably isn't the best idea, pregnant or not.

We find out in 10 days if we are having a boy or a girl (hopefully), so looking forward to it. I'm betting 60/40 on a boy. My intuition is sort of telling me it's a boy, but that could have been all the old wives tales about no morning sickness being a boy. I took a bunch of "old wives" quizzes on the sex online and they all say girl, so we shall see!

Right now, my focus is on pulling together all my cash to renovate our house and get the nursery done w/new carpet by mid to late August. We plan on starting in mid June -- about 2 months later than planned, thanks to the IRS. :( On the plus side, Suzanne or Chris Jr. will be a great tax savings this year!

That being said, I will hopefully have a new car by tonight. I'm going to be a bad consumer and not put any money down (since that is all for the house), but no matter -- the Honda Element will still be the same car payment as my other car, and is a cute family/dog functional car...no worrying about spills or messes anymore!

I'll post a belly shot this weekend...the file is at home. Hope that is enough to satisfy all you readers :)

Catching up...

It's been a while since I posted something. Not much to say here really (for once). I'm in the 2nd trimester now, still not showing -- but the maternity pants are fitting me better and better each week. I'm debating with my husband weekly on the nursery decor, even before we know what the sex of the baby is!

Still, I keep on thinking about what we'll do to conceive #2 -- which is so odd, considering I still have 6 months of pregnancy to go with #1! I blame the hormones...which I also blame for my recent stint of absent-mindedness -- in one week, I lost my car keys and my yoga bag.

Also had a bad string of luck lately - some a&*hole broke into my Paypal account and transferred $2000+ out of my checking account! Luckily, my account had only $40 in it (day before payday), so my overdraft protection kicked in.

Anyways, such is life, I guess. It could have been much worse...

Writing a blog about writing...

How circular is this. :) I decided my weekly blog topic for today would be writing a book based on my blog posts. Try to wrap your head around that one...

I've had a lot of women from FertilityFriend.com, where I've been posting every since we started trying to conceive in January 2005, send me messages saying how much my blog meant to them. To me, that's really damn cool that my writing, sharing my feelings and situations, can actually affect another person. Is that the point of writing after all, to get your message across to your intended audience?

I'd have to say, the audience for this blog, and for a book if I chose to compile one, would be twofold: a guide for women dealing with infertility, and an educational piece for those that do not suffer that same fate. While I know that what I have written could be a guide for those either going through IVF or on the fence about doing it, I think the biggest challenge in writing is going to be imparting how it really feels to go through all of this to someone that is fertile, to someone that assumes that people that do IVF are selfish and want to run up the cost of health care for someone else.

Those ARE the people I want any book of mine to convert, to pull the wool back from their eyes, and for them to truly experience what it is like walking in my shoes. I wonder though, how do you influence someone to consider an opinion drastically different from their own?

This is something I will ponder over the next few days -- what prompted these thoughts was this post on FF earlier today that was taken from a discussion group from another site about IVF. 90% of the people on there were either men and women who had to complete or try the IVF process to have children, or who have friends and family that have gone through the process and support the decision. And of course, there was the obligatory 10% that said that all women going through this process were silly, selfish, and were unfairly taxing our health care system (little do they know that only certain companies and states offer this insurance coverage, and the procedures are about as cheap as your average surgery in a hospital).

I think the quote that hit me the most from this post was this:

These women are morons. I hope they all go broke in their pursuit of having a baby. On second thought, no I don’t or then we’ll have to pick up the tab when they file bankrupt.

On the face of it, something like this pisses me off to no end. But when I look at it, I wonder if the guy that wrote this, if his wife, sister or buddy was dealing with infertility, would say something as callous and asinine as this.

Ultrasound withdrawal

After seeing our baby 3 times on the ultrasound in just 3 weeks, we have to wait 2 months to see him/her again at the 20 week ultrasound! Chris is in major withdrawal, he was having so much fun taking the ultrasound and playing with it in Photoshop!

We're spoiled after going through IVF, and my new OB pretty much told me the same thing -- that the patients who have gotten pregnant with IVF come in expecting to get an ultrasound each visit! Oh well :)

We got to hear the heartbeat on the doppler, and it was beating nice and steady at 140bpm. It was 172bpm about 2 weeks ago, but as the baby grows, the heartbeat begins to slow to somewhere between 120-160bpm.

Anyways, 2 months and counting until we get to see our baby again :)

Layla or......?

Ok, so I am already thinking about names. Hell, I was thinking about names when we started trying to conceive back in December of 2004. Now it's some serious decision time, since our baby will be here in 7 months!

The week before my beta last month, I had a very vivid dream where we had twins from this IVF cycle named Derek and Layla. For those of you poor souls unfamiliar with those two names, "Layla" is one of the greatest rock songs EVER. If you haven't heard it, I feel for you.

Eric Clapton, who was the frontman for the band Derek and the Dominoes (hence Derek for the boys name), wrote "Layla," a tale of deep unrequited love for Pattie Boyd, the wife of Beatle (and his friend) George Harrison. It's based on the Persian love tale of Layla and Manjun, the story of a man who is driven mad with love for an unattainable woman. The lyrics themselves speak of true longing, passion, and heartache:

What'll you do when you get lonely
And nobody's waiting by your side?
You've been running and hiding much too long.
You know it's just your foolish pride.

Layla, you've got me on my knees
Layla, I'm begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind

I tried to give you consolation
When your old man had let you down
Like a fool, I fell in love with you
Turned my whole world upside down

Layla, you've got me on my knees
Layla, I'm begging, darling please.
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind

Let's make the best of the situation
Before I finally go insane
Please don't say we'll never find a way
And tell me all my love's in vain

Layla, you've got me on my knees
Layla, I'm begging, darling please
Layla, darling won't you ease my worried mind

So there you have it, it's a really long song too, because it has this really long piano solo at the end that totally rocks. After I had this dream, I downloaded "Layla" onto my iPod and listened to it whenever I would begin to worry about the upcoming beta. I even listened to it in the waiting room of my doctor's office before they drew blood the first time!

That is the only girl's name I have in my head right now, and nothing else works. So whatever the gender is, this child's name will most likely be Layla...or something else. I'm not as picky about boy's names, probably because of my strong desire and hope that this is a girl!

Graduation Day

I've officially graduated from my reproductive endocrinologist's office! I had my last ultrasound there today, and all is well. The embryo is growing bigger and bigger each week, and the heartbeat was 172bpm. I am 8 weeks pregnant today, and tonight is the last night for progesterone. No more! I'm a normal pregnant woman now. :)

The cold is starting to get better finally, taking today off to rest was the right call. Although I think my lack of activity has contributed to some weight gain, I've gained 3 lbs since my doctor's visit last Friday! I guess weight is only going to go up from here...my work pants and skirts still fit, but my jeans I really can't wear anymore, they are too constrictive...I'm already wearing some maternity jeans...

But I'm not showing yet, I just look like I've put on a little weight! I also tried out my yoga dvd today, and it was great. Actually made me feel a little better to stretch out my body...

I'll post a ultrasound picture soon, my husband has all of the scanned picture files at work!

Beats morning sickness, I guess...

So I have a cold. No infection luckily, according to the blood work my family doctor ran today. I can take Actifed, Sudafed, or Benadryl for the "drip," and plain Robitussin for the cough. At least I know what is relatively safe now.

And like my title says, I'd rather deal with a nasty cold than be puking! :) At least I can still eat...

Major slacker....

Sorry, I have been such a slacker about posting to the blog lately. I guess I was using it more as a tool of stress relief, and I'm not really that stressed anymore...:)

So an update -- we saw the heartbeat again last Friday (March 1), beating nice and strong at 152bpm. The baby looked like a peanut or a cashew now -- and had already grown so much since the last ultrasound! Based on its size last Friday, my EDD was moved up to 10/18, and the ultrasonographer expects that the size will catch up back to my original EDD of 10/15 (based on ER day) or 10/16 (the estimated date the RE did based on where the embies were at ET).

My next ultrasound is Thursday, and that will be the last one at my fertility clinic! I've already slowed down the amount of progesterone I was previously taking (a shot now every other day, and these suppository things 2x a day instead of 3), and my first OB appointment will be March 21. I'm excited!

On the down side, I've developed some sort of cold or sinus infection, it blows. The RE recommended some antihistamines for me that aren't working, and they are unsure about Claritin (what usually works for me). So I am going to the GP's office today to get something for the infection, and ask what i can safely take for seasonal allergies. From what I have read, nasal sprays like flonase are fine for pg b/c they are inhaled directly and don't go into the bloodstream like oral drugs do.